Five Things That Are Doomed

[diversions]

"Doomed" is a great word. It's one of those words that you would like to call an onomatopoeia, except that doom doesn't make any sound. But if doom did make a sound, I'm pretty sure it would sound like the word, "doomed." It's also a very extreme word, so I don't use it often; it's only for those things I think about, and I say, "not a snowflake's chance in HELL!" So, my self-questioning nature prevents me from using the word often.

But, as a kind of an exercise, I guess, I'm going to use it five times today.

Now, before I launch into my list, I NEED TO SAY THIS: I do not mean to mock or trivialize anything in this list (well, maybe one thing). The first two things are not funny at all, although the second could probably be viewed with a certain gallows humour by some. I include the silly things with the serious because I believe that, even in the face of doom, we must not lose our sense of humour. So, having said that...

1. The End-of-January Iraqi Elections. There's too much ongoing violence. It will simply be too easy to destabilize the election such that it must be considered invalid. January 30th is too soon. Of course, in other ways, it's too late; the Americans have already overstayed their welcome (now that's putting it mildly). I don't hate America; I pity them. The Bush administration has led their country into a mind-boggling mess. I was against the war, but now that it's done, I cannot pretend to have any notion of a good way out. So I'm not saying that the end of January was a mistake. I'm just saying it's doomed.

2. The Maldives. They've been in the news lately, because they are an archipelago of islands that are among the countries hit by the recent Indian Ocean tsunami. Now, the tsunami was tragic, but that's not exactly why I say they're doomed. The CIA World Factbook says: "Elevation extremes... highest point: unnamed location on Wilingili island in the Addu Atoll, 2.4 m." Yes, metres! Above sea level. The December 26 tsunami washed over the entire country. Maybe there are some things they can do, in the short term, to slow down erosion, but I'm sure the islanders know that they are doomed to declare the country dissolved on some unhappy day in the future. Er, no pun intended.

3. It was extended to 2007, but does anybody think the U.S. Internet Tax Moratorium will go on much longer? The government will need the money. The only thing that could hold it back might be the infrastructure needed to collect it. But I don't really think so. They could start taxing internet businesses any day now. I say it's doomed to happen within the next decade.

4. Anakin Skywalker. See episodes IV, V, and VI. He gets seduced by the dark side, messes up his life, and probably Padme's too, not to mention the Jedi and the whole of the Old Republic. He comes back to his senses only long enough to toss the Emperor down a hole, apologize to Luke, and then kick the bucket. Is it enough to redeem himself? I don't know... Either way, he's doomed.

5. Contingent on the assumption that the Andromeda Galaxy contains a supermassive black hole at its center, the swirling gases located approximately here...

   

   ...are doomed.

There you have it.